Misguided Ghost
by xwarmembrace
Summary: Would someone care to classify? A broken heart and twisted mind, so I can find someone to rely on. Tess Tyler based one-shot.


**A/N: Basically my life right now. So, I decided to put all of my problems on Tess Tyler. Sorry, Tess.**

**This was loosely based on Misguided Ghosts by Paramore, hense the title. Haha.**

* * *

I always ran away from my problems, which is basically what I'm doing now. I couldn't face these people.

I couldn't deal with them any more. Period.

How do people start this sort of things?

"I'll be gone for a long time."

That sounded too... careless. It was like saying "Get me some food." There's absolutely no compassion. There needed to be something there.

"I am going away for a while, but I'll be back. Don't try to follow me."

It sounded more compassionate, somewhat.

I was never very good at writing. My penmanship might have been above par, but the way the words actually came out never sounded as good as they did in my head.

Exhibit A?

That last sentence.

I soon finished my letter after a couple of minute. The paper was crumbled up and had various scribbles all over it. I have always been a perfectionist.

This was the last thing they were going to here from me. It better be flawless.

* * *

It took me a while to realize that I meant nothing. It took me a long time, actually.

I tried this before. The first person to find out that was Caitlyn, my best friend and current roommate. She watched me, as I gulped down several random pills. She was always a fast one. She sprinted over, taking the pills away. "Why are you doing this, Tess? You're so fucking stupid!"

That's the response I got.

I really don't mean anything to anyone. That's why I was doing this. I don't mean anything. My friends don't need me any more. They're all unconditionally in love. What am I? I'm just Tess Tyler. I don't need a partner. I deserve to be alone.

It sounds stupid aloud. I was willing to leave due to not having a boyfriend?

That's not it. It was the fact that at this point, I had no one to live for. They all might have told me utter bullshit about how they "loved" me or that I was "the best friend they could ever have", but who's shoulder did I cry on when my ex-fiance left me?

Ex.

Ex fiance.

It sounds stupid aloud.

Ironically, I don't think I ever loved him. I was just comfortable. He made me feel loved, and the fact that he and Shane were like brothers was even better.

Don't get me wrong; I wanted to love him. You don't know how badly I wanted to be in love with him, but there was always someone else. That someone had to be his best friend.

I will always want what I can't have.

I think he finally figured it out. It happened to be two weeks before the wedding. All I remember is him talking to Shane, and then suddenly an abrupt "It's over, Tess." He expected more of a reaction from me. I don't know how I felt. Shocked? Angry? Hopeless? Confused? But I wasn't sad. I was slightly melancholy, but not sad.

You have no idea how much that bothered me.

I was speechless for once in my life. His hazel eyes became coated with tears, as one fell off of his cheek. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and Shane was lying, but I couldn't.

In a way, I think I was helping him. He didn't have to deal with me. Who would want to?

I'm just Tess Tyler.

Tess fucking Tyler. Tess will never be good enough for anyone.

Tessa is a pointless piece of shit.

I am pointless.

Life is pointless.

* * *

I tried to imagine how everyone would cope with me leaving. How would they feel? What would Mitchie think? Would she just tell Shane - my Shane - not to worry about it, before embracing him and giving him a long, sweet kiss?

What would Caitlyn think? Would she still think that I'm some fucking psychotic idiot?

What would Jason think? I already broke his heart once. Would he cry again? I can't deal with the thought of him crying. I would rather imagine him laughing or burning my picture saying "Good riddens!"

What would my parents think? Knowing my dad, the drunken idiot, would just go to the funeral for free wine and then leave. He couldn't give a damn. However, my mom?

I don't think she would be depressed. I think she would think even more pourly of me. We haven't spoken since my first attempt. Caitlyn told her. I overheard her saying I was a quitter. I ran away from my problems, and that I shouldn't be depressed. I was hallucinating. I don't think Caitlyn agreed with her, but she didn't defend me either. She didn't care enough. I was just a shoulder for her to cry on.

What would Shane think?

I couldn't think of that. The word Shane made my bawl.

I like to think that he'd be depressed. He'd try to drink away the pain, or leave with me so we could be together. I doubt it though. He had Mitchie. Ever-so-flawless Mitchie.

Me?

I was just Tess. I was annoying as fuck. I was a tease. I'd always make fun of him? Why? I can't express my feelings. It's not my nature.

Mitchie, however, was his best friend. Them getting together was inevitable. Her getting a huge ring on that big fat finger was heartbreaking.

Did I mention that they are engaged? Yeah, they've been engaged for almost three months now. Three months isn't very long, but it is when you've been waiting for them to break up for so long.

It was perfect. Mitchie was flawless. Shane was... Shane. He's beyond perfection.

Well, no. He really isn't. He has so many flaws. He was clumsy as hell, he cussed like a sailor, was a compulsive liar, a manwhore... I could name tons of imperfections in Shane Gray. But he was still mine.

At least, in my head he was mine. And he always would be.

It's weird though. I miss something I've never had, and I never will have.

This needs to end.

* * *

I left the note on the most obvious place. I went to the most obvious place.

Everything was classic Tess Tyler. I was never going to change, especially not now.

I slipped my shoes off, slipping my feet in the warm sand one last time. I took a deep breath, enjoying the nice breeze.

I don't know why I decided this place to go to. I think it's because this has always been my refuge. Whenever I needed someone, this was there. I just ran across the street to see the waves crashing in front of me, and everything seemed to fade after a while. It saved me every single time. Why shouldn't it save me now?

The rush of adreneline flowed through me, as I flew off the cliff. The wind got stronger, as I crashed onto the rocks. I was numb. The pain was gone. I head many voices rush into my head, but suddenly, there was silence. There was finally silence.

I have finally escaped.

* * *

**A/N: I apologize for the suckiness, but I needed to vent. I needed to get it out somehow. So thanks, fanfic. Haha. Reviews are great.**


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